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Communication + Time Gone By by ~crazynloveless:iconcrazynloveless:



thoughts buzz like flies
around my head, vibrate
in my heart. words drip,

drip, drap, drop off

my tongue-tied tap. dams
built by burned hands cut
off life-line water supplies
and chords run dry, voice

choking on sand - a fish
buried in the pit of coals
          like time gone by.
:iconcrazynloveless:

Author's Comments

First poem I've written in a very long time. I am back... Mebbe. >.>

Comments


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:iconbewareofthesnowman:
good to have you back!

--
And yet those voices:
If you were not afraid, you would kill him!
:iconshadowedacolyte:
Indeed. The third stanza is weaker than the other two, but the end is strong.

--
Everywhere I go I'm asked if the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. --Flannery O'Connor
:iconcrazynloveless:
Thank you. First thing I've written in ages... Hopefully I will sit down and make myself write. Nothing like practice to help me improve, hehe. Any suggestions on that third stanza? Is it because it's a little long-winded compared to the rest?

--
AKA ~007-crazynloveless

take off your -3 armour of "frigid bitch" and ill give you my +4 "phallace of mount doom" baby ;) Sto67 "Lol. You make baby Jesus cry." Miguel
:iconshadowedacolyte:
The images don't seem as strong and connected. Why are the hands "burned"? "Tap" seems to be there only for the sound and not for the meaning."life-line water supplies" could be condensed into a stronger three-word phrase, I feel. How are the chords "dry"? The leaping adjectives are more confusing than inspiring as they are elsewhere.

--
Everywhere I go I'm asked if the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. --Flannery O'Connor

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June 26
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